she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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