her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
