That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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