What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
