i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Drunk is a universal language darling
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