He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
