its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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