At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
