I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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