I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
