You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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