We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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