Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
