I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
