I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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