I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
