We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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