can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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