Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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