She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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