Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
