we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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