if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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