You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
