ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
