Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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