So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
