i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
