I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
