remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
