The maid of honor just puked.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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