your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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