1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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