i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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