so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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