the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
