3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
