used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
