so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
