we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
