bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
