i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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