i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
