and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
