he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
