we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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