Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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