return my video game
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
