if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
