All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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