WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
