Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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